


Vongola's Valentine Party

by tsunayoshi



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 16:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15822540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunayoshi/pseuds/tsunayoshi
Summary: Reborn throws a Vongola-style Valentine party and holds a competition for which pair (teamed up based on compatibility rates) can raise Tsuna's heartrate the highest!Disclaimer: I wrote this two years ago for Valentine's Day and never posted it until now and I'm also too lazy to revise it.





	Vongola's Valentine Party

“Reborn…What are you planning?” Tsuna asked his tutor with an extremely suspicious gaze. He warily looked around at all of the others who were gathered at his house upon Reborn’s request with trepidation. He didn’t need his Hyper Intuition to deduce that Reborn had something crazy in mind considering how it was Valentine’s Day and that all of his guardians (including Hibari and Mukuro) were here.

Reborn acted as if he had heard nothing, and cleared his throat, silencing Gokudera’s one-sided argument with Yamamoto and the fight that was about to happen between Hibari and Mukuro. “Ciaossu!” He greeted them all, while Tsuna’s shoulders slumped forward out of dejection from being ignored. “Today’s Valentine’s Day and—“

Reborn’s announcement was met with disgust (namely from Gokudera and Hibari—there was no protests heard from Mukuro, and Tsuna suspected it was because of his love for chocolate).

Reborn put on a fake offended expression as he continued onwards, “So, I thought we could hold a Valentine’s Party—Vongola style!” He chirped happily while Tsuna’s face paled from horror. The Vongola boss immediately knew that this party would cause chaos and disaster. When Gokudera and Hibari still showed disinterest, however, Reborn mentioned, “For this event, I have conducted compatibility tests for all of you!” He watched with a small mischievous smile when interest sparked in everyone’s eyes, although Hibari seemed to show even more disinterest.

“Compatibility tests?!” Tsuna spluttered and flailed his arms, “When did you do those?!”

Reborn smirked with a tip of his fedora, “Anyway, Tsuna.” He ignored Tsuna’s indignant protest towards being ignored yet again. “You managed to get a 100% compatibility rate with all of your guardians. As expected of the Vongola Decimo that I’ve been training.”

“WHAT?!” Tsuna shrieked out of both surprise and fright, worriedly checking everyone else’s reactions to this discovery. He gulped nervously when he was met with starry eyes of admiration from Gokudera, thumbs up from Yamamoto, a pleased smile from Chrome, an enthusiastic roar from Ryohei, a doubtful “Ehhhh?” from Lambo, and raised eyebrows from both Hibari and Mukuro. Tsuna tried to pretend like Lambo’s skepticism didn’t hurt. Then, as an afterthought, he added, “I’m not going to be Vongola Decimo, Reborn!”

His whining was immediately put to a stop (with one final squeak) when Reborn held a Leon-transformed hammer in his hands with a threatening aura surrounding him. The aura dissipated as soon as Tsuna was silent, and Reborn asked, “Did you mess with the results, Dame-Tsuna?”

Tsuna furiously shook his head back and forth, “No!” He leaned down a bit to get closer to Reborn’s height as he protested, “I didn’t even know you were doing this entire thing!”

At this, Gokudera cheered, “As expected of Juudaime! While being unaware of Reborn-san’s supervision, he managed to score 100% compatibility rates with—. Wait, this means?! The baseball idiot, and—” His head whipped around to face Hibari and Mukuro as his grin was quickly replaced by a grimace.

“Anyway, based on these test results, I’ve paired you all up into teams, aside from Tsuna. Ryohei, you’re left out too, since you have Kurokawa Hana.” Reborn paid no attention to Ryohei, whose face was burning from the spoken revelation and slight embarrassment. “The objective is to make Tsuna’s heart beat fast, faster than 140 beats per minute!” He pulled a machine for monitoring heartbeats out from nowhere, startling Tsuna, who had been standing right next to him, enough to send him falling to the ground. “Essentially: win the tuna’s heart! There will be a surprise prize if you win this competition, of course.”

“DON’T I GET A SAY IN THIS?!” Tsuna wailed out of complete despair.

“Of course not,” Reborn answered as he begun strapping on the devices and equipment used to measure Tsuna’s heartrate. “Anyways, I’ll let you read off the pairs, Ryohei.” He handed a sheet of paper to the boxer who started to reveal the results.

“First pair: Yamamoto and the octopus head, with an 80% rate!” Ryohei announced. There was an explosion of outrage from Gokudera while Yamamoto simply laughed. “Second: Dokuro and Lambo! 96% rate!” Chrome kneeled to pick up and cradle Lambo in her arms with a small and content smile, and Lambo cheered. “Third: Hibari and Mukuro… 1% to the extreme!”

“HIIIIEEE!”

There was a high-pitched beeping sound following the terrified squeal, and everyone turned their heads to the heavily sweating Tsuna, and the monitor sitting beside him.

“Hm. Looks like it already peaked to 145 beats per minute. That’s 5 points to Hibari and Mukuro,” Reborn nonchalantly reported.

Hibari snarled with a deadly glare piercing Mukuro, “I dislike the idea of being paired up, especially with this pineapple illusionist, infant.” He had his weapons out and ready for combat.

“You don’t want the prize, then? Your team is already in the lead,” Reborn inquired with a faux innocent voice.

That made Hibari pause and consider the possibility that the prize would allow him to battle strong opponents. His tonfas were hidden away under his jacket with a grunt.

With a small and satisfied smile, Reborn exclaimed, “The first activity is a race! Each pair has to carry Tsuna through an obstacle course, and the fastest to finish will get the heartrate limit lowered to 130 beats per minute.”

“C-Carry me…?” Tsuna looked absolutely horrified.

“C-Carry Juudaime?” Gokudera’s expression was the exact opposite of his boss’.

“Wait, obstacle course? We don’t have anything like that here!” Tsuna realized.

There was a suspicious gleam in Reborn’s eyes before he said, “We do. Here.” He gestured at Tsuna’s backyard that had been completely transformed into a full-out obstacle course (that seemed to have some dangerous objects placed in random spots, as expected from the Vongola).

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO OUR BACKYARD?!” Tsuna shrieked.

“Don’t worry,” Reborn stroked the top of Leon’s head with his finger, “It’ll all be fixed later, after the party.”

“Did mom see this?” Tsuna fretted as he turned his head towards the kitchen, where he could hear his mother humming as she cooked.

“Maman was fine with it,” Reborn reassured, although it did nothing to calm Tsuna’s nerves. “First to race will be… the Gokudera and Yamamoto pair!” Leon transformed into a timer while the aforementioned two stepped up to Tsuna’s side.

“Haha. How should we do this?” Yamamoto asked. “Bridal style?”

“Please don’t,” Tsuna weakly cut in.

Gokudera became offended on Tsuna’s behalf, “No, baseball idiot! We’re going to let our arms be Juudaime’s chair! Hold out your arms!” Yamamoto followed his demands, and Gokudera hesitantly did the same with his own arms and held onto Yamamoto’s forearms. “Now, Juudaime, go ahead and sit on our arms.”

“O-Okay,” Tsuna stuttered, unsure of how stable this position was. He stepped in front of the two before sitting back on their arms, yelping when the two stood abruptly. Their arms supported the bottom of his knees and his back.

“Ready?” Reborn asked with a whistle at his lips.

While Tsuna denied it, both Gokudera and Yamamoto nodded. The whistle was blown, and they ran off towards the obstacle course. Tsuna swayed in his perch while tons of bullets and missiles were shot their way. The backyard was filled with high-pitched screams from Tsuna, cursing from Gokudera, and carefree laughter from Yamamoto.

Tsuna slumped to the floor in relief when they completed the obstacle course and heaved heavy pants.

“Juudaime!”

“Tsuna, are you alright?”

Both Gokudera and Yamamoto held out a hand to help Tsuna up, and Tsuna took both hands, ignoring Gokudera’s jealous glare aimed at Yamamoto.

“Hm…” Reborn eyed Leon and continued, “four minutes and thirty-six seconds. Not bad, but not exactly fast either.” Gokudera and Yamamoto tried to not show too much disappointment. “As for Tsuna’s heartrate… it peaked a bit. 143 beats per minute, at one point. Three points to your pair!”

“Che,” Gokudera spat out his cigarette and grinded his foot on it against the ground. “If I was carrying Juudaime by myself…” He gritted his teeth.

“Well, it’s better than zero points!” Yamamoto placated the other.

Reborn clapped to get everyone’s attention and said, “Alright, next! Chrome and the stupid cow’s turn!”

“Gupya!” Lambo shook an angry fist at Reborn from the insult.

“A-Again?” Tsuna stammered.

“Bossu…” Chrome kneeled down next to Tsuna, with her back facing him. Lambo had no shame in climbing up Tsuna’s back and sitting in his fluffy yet spiky hair.

Tsuna eyed Chrome for a few seconds before it clicked in, “Eh? Piggyback? Will you be alright, Chrome?” He worried over her frail body because even though he wasn’t actually that heavy, Tsuna wasn’t sure Chrome would be able to carry him.

“It’s okay, bossu,” Chrome reassured while Lambo ushered him to hurry up.

Tsuna climbed onto Chrome’s back with much caution, and he was a bit unsettled when Chrome stood up, but was pleasantly surprised that she had no problems carrying his weight. That, and he was much more comfortable with this position rather than the way that Gokudera and Yamamoto chose to carry him.

“Ready?” Reborn took a deep breath before blowing his whistle.

“ONWARDS!” Lambo cheered from his spot on top of Tsuna’s head while Chrome began sprinting through the obstacle course. “Faster, my minion!” Tsuna laughed disbelievingly at Lambo’s orders and Chrome’s efforts to follow them.

Unfortunately, this race proved to be a difficult task for Chrome, especially without the help of any illusions, so it was with a solemn expression that Chrome accepted the time of seven minutes and forty seconds. Lambo pouted and whined, but that only earned a bonk on the head from a Leon-transformed-hammer.

“Too bad, but no points. Tsuna’s heartbeat wasn’t _racing_ ,” Reborn told the pair, and Tsuna hid his face in his hands at the lame pun.

“Yes!” Gokudera pumped his fist, glad to see that the pair had gotten a time slower than his and Yamamoto’s and that he wasn’t in last place.

“And last, but not least…” Reborn slowly turned to face Hibari and Mukuro, who appeared as if they were towering over Tsuna like bullies.

Mukuro hummed, “Hm…” He only pondered for a few seconds before deciding on his own, “We’ll carry Tsunayoshi-kun bridal style.” Hibari said nothing to oppose nor support the decision, but reached out to carry Tsuna anyway.

“WHAT PART OF THIS IS BRIDAL STYLE?!” Tsuna shrieked as he was stretched horizontally with Hibari holding onto his feet and Mukuro holding onto his hands. Hibari was obviously trying to stay as far away from Mukuro as he possibly could, despite being team partners with him. “It’s not even like I’m being carried on a stretcher!”

“Well,” Reborn pointed out, “There aren’t any rules as to how they can carry you, so this is fine.” He ignored Tsuna’s “It’s not fine!” and tilted his head in Hibari and Mukuro’s direction. “Ready?” At their nods, he blew the whistle.

Everyone was left gawking as the pair sped through the obstacle course as if it was a regular course without any obstacles at all. It was easy to realize that it was because Hibari wanted to get the game over with, stop crowding, and avoid Mukuro.

Reborn whistled when he took a look at his Leon-transformed-timer, “Two minutes and four seconds. The Hibari and Mukuro pair get the heartrate limit lowered to 130. And… Dame-Tsuna’s heartrate peaked to 150 during the race. That’s twenty points and twenty-five in total.”

Gokudera promptly fell to his knees, groveling in front of Tsuna’s feet with profuse apologies.

“Back inside!” Reborn exclaimed, shoving everyone back into Tsuna’s house and the living room, where a Twister mat was spread out.

“Oh no,” Tsuna whispered, although he didn’t even know what the game was—his Hyper Intuition was just blaring danger at the moment.

Reborn slyly grinned, “I’ll be the referee, and Tsuna will be playing with all of you for this game. Everyone get on the mat.”

A sudden burst of killing intent escaped before it was tamed by Hibari, who looked extremely displeased at the idea of being so close to so many other herbivores.

They all gathered on top of the jumbo-sized mat (a faint laugh escaped Tsuna’s lips when he realized the circles were all colors of the rainbow), and Tsuna gulped nervously as Reborn had Ryohei energetically spin the spinner.

Soon enough, tangled body parts were everywhere. Lambo had no trouble playing this game, but Gokudera was having trouble. The others (including Hibari, surprisingly) were flexible enough to not have much trouble. Tsuna, on the other hand, was struggling a lot. He whimpered when he realized that his face was quite close to Mukuro’s, and that his arm was crossing over Hibari’s. There was someone stretched over his left leg, but Tsuna had absolutely no clue whether it was Gokudera or Yamamoto.

Chrome had been eliminated early in the game, because the spinner called out for her arm to be placed on a circle that was right next to the one that Mukuro had his hand placed on top of. Her new position had her almost bump into Mukuro, and with a blush, she had collapsed onto the ground.

“Tsuna!” Reborn called out after Ryohei spun the spinner yet again, “Right leg, purple circle.”

Tsuna’s head turned around as he tried to find a purple circle, and he paled as he realized that the closest one was underneath Hibari’s body. Unaware (because as if Reborn would have spent time explaining the rules) of the fact that you could give up and eliminate yourself if you found a move impossible, Tsuna carefully slid his right foot to the purple circle under Hibari and next to the Cloud Guardian’s foot. He wheezed as his eyes warily flickered between Hibari’s irritated face and where his leg was brushing against the other’s.

In other words, half of his body was extremely close to the most frightening person of Namimori, and his face was also very close to that of his admittedly creepy Mist Guardian. Lovely. It didn’t help that he could hear Reborn’s amused snickers.

“EXTREME SPIN!” Ryohei shouted as he flicked the spinner.

Reborn smirked under the brim of his fedora as he called out, “Mukuro! Right arm, orange circle.”

Tsuna made some sort of strangled noise when Mukuro made his move to the orange circle right next to where his left hand was and closed in even further to him. This caught Gokudera’s attention, who snarled at the pineapple illusionist.

“Get away from him, you pineapple bastard!”

“Kufufu,” Mukuro chuckled, “This is simply part of the game. I’m afraid you will have to deal with it.”

Tsuna cringed because Mukuro was close enough that he could feel Mukuro’s breath against his face as he spoke.

“M-Mukuro…” Tsuna begged, “Please don’t talk.”

“Oya oya,” Mukuro wore a mock offended expression, “My breath doesn’t smell, does it?”

Tsuna stifled an upset whine and decided to not bother anymore.

“Yamamoto! Left hand, blue circle,” Reborn said.

Yamamoto laughed, “Easy, easy.” He only had to shift his left hand one circle over, something that made Tsuna incredibly envious.

“No fair,” Tsuna sulked with a pout.

Reborn said, “Gokudera, right hand and red circle.”

Tsuna sighed at the way Gokudera’s face lit up at the phrase ‘right hand’ and the Storm Guardian moved his right hand onto a red circle that was between Tsuna and Yamamoto.

“Hmph, two boring turns in a row,” Reborn grumbled. “I’ll spin this time, Ryohei.” Tsuna felt an impending sense of doom as Reborn took over for Ryohei as the referee, and his suspicions were confirmed with the next words that came out of his tutor’s mouth. “Hibari, left foot. Green circle.”

There was an immense amount of pity that Tsuna felt as he watched Hibari move close to where Lambo was, and it was with complete understanding that he saw Lambo topple over from his fear.

“Stupid cow, eliminated!” Reborn announced. “Tsuna, right hand… yellow circle.”

Tsuna was relieved, because this meant that his arm wasn’t near Hibari anymore, but he groaned when he saw that the closest yellow circle was near Mukuro instead. While Mukuro laughed, Tsuna merely put up with it and turned his face away from the other.

“Yamamoto!” Reborn called out.

“Yeah, kid?” Yamamoto gave an easy grin from his position, where he wasn’t really tangled with anyone.

“Right arm, red circle.”

Yamamoto saluted before reaching towards the circle near Gokudera, who automatically cringed away to gain some distance between Yamamoto and himself.

“Gokudera, left leg and orange circle.”

Tsuna gaped as he watched Gokudera blatantly ignore Reborn as he lunged forwards (“This is for Juudaime!” he roared, as if it was his battle cry), aiming to bulldoze through all of the others and knock them down. He failed, crashing into Yamamoto and Tsuna instead, and Tsuna bumped into Mukuro and Hibari, bringing them down with him as he fell. He crawled away from the two as fast as he could before they could kill him.

Reborn blew a whistle three times in a row, and announced, “Ten points to everyone!”

“Eh?” Tsuna was baffled. “But we all lost, didn’t we? Did everyone raise my heartrate?”

Reborn answered his student’s onslaught of questions with a short and simple, “The Twister game was purely for my entertainment. So free points for everybody.”

Tsuna stared incredulously at Reborn, taken aback by his blasé demeanor.

“THAT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING?!” Tsuna yelled after his mind finally processed what Reborn said.

“Yup.” Tsuna didn’t trust that sadistic gleam in Reborn’s eyes. “The next event is 7 minutes in heaven.” Dread settled in Tsuna’s spine when he saw Reborn’s smile widen, because that could only mean that something even worse than the last game was coming his way.

“Haha. 7 minutes in heaven? What’s that?” Yamamoto curiously questioned with his arms supporting the back of his head.

Gokudera spluttered. “Reborn-san, are you sure that’s appropriate?!”

Tsuna guessed that this game was more well-known on the western side of the world, considering how only Gokudera and Mukuro seemed to have a clue about what it was.

“Kufufu, this should be interesting.” Tsuna shivered at the ominous and foreboding words.

Reborn raised his eyebrows at Gokudera. “I heard that Bianchi made you play it before, but it sounds like you had an interesting experience if that’s what you’re asking.”

Tsuna turned to face his right-hand man. “You’ve played this game before, Gokudera-kun?” He eyed the other’s flushed face with genuine curiosity. “What is it?”

“Ah,” Gokudera’s eyes flittered around nervously, “I think I’ll let Reborn-san explain, Juudaime.”

Tsuna blinked owlishly, surprised that Gokudera hadn’t taken the opportunity to tell him what this ‘7 minutes in heaven’ game was all about. If he wasn’t willing to, then that meant… the game must be really bad.

“Basically, Dame-Tsuna,” Reborn started to explain, “You’ll be stuck in a dark, soundproofed closet where there’s cameras and microphones. Each pair will be sent in with you, and you’re stuck with them for seven minutes. You won’t know which pair is going in beforehand either.” He had Leon transform into an advanced, fancy-looking monitor. “We’ll be watching what goes on in the closet using this. The cameras inside have night vision taken care of too.”

“S-Seven minutes…” Tsuna looked as if he was going to wither and faint at the idea of being stuck in a dark closet with both Hibari and Mukuro for that amount of time. “I can’t do this,” he wheezed.

“Suck it up!” Reborn snapped before sending Tsuna flying into a closet (that appeared to come out of nowhere) with a high kick.

“HIIIIEEE!!!”

“Juudaime!” Gokudera shouted, worried.

Totally unconcerned, Reborn called out, “Chrome, stupid cow! You two are up first.”

Everyone else watched with interest as Chrome and Lambo entered the closet, and then turned their attention to the Leon-transformed-monitor.

“B-Bossu?” Chrome whispered in the dark as she stepped inside, unaware of Reborn resting his forehead in his palm because she had just given away the fact of who came in to Tsuna.

Tsuna sounded rather relieved, “Chrome?” When something barreled into his back, he yelped, “GAH! Lambo!” His hands blindly reached out for the small child, and detached him from where he was clinging to his back. With an exasperated sigh, he said, “Lambo, please don’t do that.”

“GYAHAHA!” Lambo burst with maniacal laughter. “Play with me, Dame-Tsuna!”

Tsuna admonished the younger boy, “We can’t play anything when it’s dark, Lambo.” He froze when he heard a thunk on the ground. “Wh-What was that?”

“B-Bossu,” Tsuna heard Chrome’s warning voice, and his hand went searching for whatever made that noise. He felt a part of his soul escape his body when he could feel the familiar ridges of one of Lambo’s usual pink grenades.

“A-As long as the safety pin ring wasn’t pulled,” Tsuna tried reassuring himself as he fingered the grenade, looking for where he knew the safety pin should be. When he couldn’t find it, the only thing he could do was whimper and brace himself for the explosion to come.

BOOM.

While Gokudera and Yamamoto winced at the sound, Hibari and Mukuro appeared to be unfazed. Ryohei was cheering about how extreme this game was turning out.

“Don’t worry, the closet is reinforced with Lightning Flames,” Reborn informed the spectators. He ignored Gokudera’s wail about how he was worried about Juudaime, and not the closet.

At the sound of coughing, everyone turned their attention back to the monitor, where they could see the three.

“Th-Thank you, Chrome,” Tsuna was glad that Chrome had conjured an illusion in time to prevent any harm coming to them.

Chrome took a few seconds to catch her breath, “It was nothing, bossu.”

“Not too bad,” Reborn commented as Chrome and Lambo exited the closet. “You managed to raise his heartrate to 148 bpm. That’s eight points for you—eighteen points in total.”

“Gyehehe, that was nothing!” Lambo boasted, hands on his hips.

Reborn whacked him on the head with his hammer, “Shut up. Next, Gokudera and Yamamoto. Go in!”

“Haha, I wonder what we should do to raise Tsuna’s heartbeat,” Yamamoto pondered as he walked towards the closet.

“ _You_ won’t be throwing any baseballs or anything crazy like that, got it, baseball freak?” Gokudera argued with his partner before becoming absolutely quiet once he entered the closet.

The silence didn’t last long before Gokudera greeted Tsuna a few seconds after he stepped inside, “Hello, Juudaime!”

Yamamoto joined in with a chirpy, “Hey there, Tsuna!”

From outside, Reborn had to use a lot of willpower to refrain from slapping his face with his own hand at how they spoiled the surprise element of this entire game.

“Time to call in some reinforcements,” Reborn muttered as he dialed the phone number that connected to the Varia’s headquarters in Italy.

“Gokudera-kun! Yamamoto!” Tsuna greeted them in return, and practically everyone could hear the relief dripping from his voice.

The next seven minutes were filled with ordinary conversations and happy laughter, something that left Reborn, who expected chaos and screams from his student, irritated. When he heard a crash from outside the Sawada’s house and boisterous shouts and yelling, however, a sadistic smirk spread across his lips.

“VOIII!!!” The Varia burst into the house, with Squalo at the head of the group while Xanxus lagged behind. “We’re here to crash the party!” He snarled.

Lussuria whined as he shook his hips, “Mou~. We’re part of the Vongola too, you know?”

“Shishi, the prince is offended that he wasn’t invited,” Belphegor said.

From atop Belphegor’s head, Mammon piped in, “I figured I could tag along to gather blackmail material for some future profit.”

With a satisfied grin, Reborn called Gokudera and Yamamoto out of the closet. He immediately shut the door after them so that Tsuna wouldn’t hear or see the Varia.

“Boring. Zero points,” Reborn told the two. They didn’t have the time to look disappointed though, because they were distracted by the Varia.

“Squalo!” Yamamoto happily greeted his fellow swordsman.

“Yo,” Squalo grunted. “You keeping up with your training, brat?”

Yamamoto laughed, “Yep. Baseball too!” He leaned backwards as Squalo leaned in close to his face.

“VOIII! I didn’t ask about baseball!” Squalo roared. “I see you’re not focusing on only the sword… you’re still weak then, brat.”

“Haha. Sorry, sorry,” Yamamoto sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

“GEH! What are the Varia doing here?!” Gokudera burst, readying himself with some dynamite just in case. “Reborn-san?” He turned to question the person who arranged this entire party.

Reborn tipped the brim of his fedora with a small smile, “I thought they’d make this party more interesting and entertaining.”

“Arara~?” Lambo looked around, “Where’s the porcupine man with the long mustache?”

“The Varia’s Lightning man,” Chrome shyly clarified, when Gokudera, Ryohei, and Yamamoto looked confused.

Belphegor snickered, “Porcupine, the cow brat said.”

“Apparently,” Reborn started, “when he heard this was a Valentine’s party, he tried to confess his love and dedication for Xanxus, but he got rejected. With bullets.”

Absolutely no one looked surprised by this news.

Reborn cheerfully announced, “Anyways, let me tell you the Varia teams. The first pair is Xanxus and Squalo, with a compatibility rate of 93%! Belphegor and Mammon have 86%.”

Lussuria had an impressive and extremely exaggerated pout, “What about me?”

“Do you really think we would allow you to go inside a dark closet and leave you alone with Tsuna?” Reborn deadpanned with a look on his face that expressed his complete lack of faith in Lussuria.

Squalo waved around his sword-arm haphazardly, “You’d eat up that tuna brat!”

“Why, I never,” Lussuria scoffed, “I admit the little Tsunayoshi-kun is cute, but I _do_ have my own tastes in men, I’ll have you know.” He winked at Ryohei, who blinked obliviously.

“Um, Reborn?”

Everyone turned their attention to the monitor, where they could see Tsuna sitting alone in the dark closet. Tsuna was turning his head from side to side in confusion.

“Are Hibari-san and Mukuro coming inside?”

Reborn gestured at Xanxus and Squalo, “You two go inside instead.”

“Mu…” Mammon mumbled, “You’re harsh towards your student, Reborn. Sending both Squalo and our boss his way.”

“That’s the way I roll.”

Everyone concentrated intensely on the Leon-transformed-monitor as Xanxus and Squalo stepped inside the closet.

“U-Um, Hibari-san? Mukuro? Pl-Please don’t fight…” Tsuna stammered, assuming that the Varia commanders were Hibari and Mukuro, since they were supposedly the only pair left.

“Shut up, trash.”

Tsuna froze at the sound of Xanxus’ gruff and raspy voice, and felt yet another piece of his soul drifting away from his body.

“X-Xanxus?” He weakly whimpered as he fidgeted nervously.

Squalo growled, “Don’t forget about me, pipsqueak!”

“HIIIEEE! SQUALO TOO?!” Tsuna shrieked before clapping his hands over his mouth at Xanxus’ displeased snarl. “Did Reborn invite the Varia?” He wheezed.

“Voi, you got a problem with that, huh?!” Squalo snapped at Tsuna who flinched before cowering away.

Tsuna frantically reassured, “No, no, I don’t! I was just, uh, shocked!” He felt like he was about to start a waterfall of tears from the fright he felt, being in a small, closed space with both Xanxus and Squalo.

Reborn took no pity on Tsuna as he waited out the entire seven minutes (the rest of which was filled with a long and awkward silence) before opening the door for Xanxus and Squalo to come out.

“Nice job,” he complimented. “His heartrate reached 162 beats per minute. That’s twenty-two points in one go. Belphegor, Mammon, your turn.”

“Let’s go, Bel,” Mammon floated towards the closet door.

Belphegor answered with a widening grin, “Roger.”

The two entered the closet to see Tsuna kneeling on the floor, muttering a prayer for someone to save him. The prayer was cut off by the sound of Belphegor’s trademark laughter, and the only sound that could leave Tsuna’s mouth was a pathetic squeak.

“Time to play with the mouse,” Belphegor teased.

The following seven minutes were spent with everyone listening to Tsuna’s horrified screams as Mammon conjured countless illusions of monsters and the like from nightmares and hell, and Belphegor threateningly twirled some knives around his fingers.

“155 beats per minute,” Reborn informed the two once the time ran out. “Fifteen points to your pair.”

“As expected,” Mammon mumbled, “we’re not as frightening to Sawada Tsunayoshi as the combination of Squalo and our boss.”

Meanwhile, in the closet, Tsuna chanted to himself, “Please don’t let Lussuria or Levi come in, please don’t let them come in.”

“Herbivore.”

“Kufufu, Sawada Tsunayoshi.”

 _THAT’S EVEN WORSE! SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN?! THIS IS HELL!_ Tsuna wailed at an imaginary divine being. “Hi-Hibari-san… Mukuro—HIEEE! WHERE ARE YOU TOUCHING, MUKURO?!” He was startled by the hand on his thigh, and stumbled backwards in an attempt to avoid Mukuro.

“Herbivore,” Hibari growled as he pulled out a tonfa, “Molesting Namimori Middle’s students is prohibited.” He swung his weapon at where he knew Mukuro to be, but was blocked by the other’s trident.

“Wait!” Tsuna frantically shouted. “Don’t fight, you two!” He flailed his arms around and kept on stepping backwards until his back was against the wall of the closet so he was far away from the two preparing for combat. “If you want to fight, please do it later! Not inside of this cramped closet!” He pleaded with wide, doe-like eyes.

There was a short pause before Tsuna heard the two sheathing their weapons and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Erm, could we just,” Tsuna stuttered, “do nothing for the next couple of minutes, please?” He was fully prepared to beg if he needed to.

Mukuro chuckled, “Kufufu, are you sure, Tsunayoshi? We could do something else, _togeth_ —”

“I’m sure!” Tsuna interrupted and furiously nodded. “We can just do nothing.”

Outside, Reborn clicked his tongue, dissatisfied that Tsuna had managed to convince his Cloud and Mist Guardians to calm down and just spend the rest of the minutes in silence. It proved a bit of how he was taking on the role as the boss, but… It was just too little chaos for him.

“154 beats per minute,” the Sun ex-Arcobaleno informed the pair after seven minutes passed. “Fifty-nine points in total, and you’re still in the lead, Hibari, Mukuro.” He peeked into the closet, “You can get out too now, Dame-Tsuna.”

“I’m finally free,” Tsuna cried to himself.

Reborn burst his bubble, “Not quite yet. There’s one last event. A dance-off.”

“Dance-off?” Tsuna repeated, unable to stop himself from looking skeptically at all of the people who were in the room around him. Honestly, none of them really looked like dancers. Except maybe Chrome was able to dance? He was fairly certain that Xanxus wouldn’t be willingly participating this round.

Reborn explained, “All of the pairs will be dancing, and you’ll be the one to judge them, Dame-Tsuna.”

“Me?!” Tsuna pointed at himself with an incredulous expression. “I know nothing about dancing though!”

“There’s no point in trying to refuse,” Reborn had Leon transform into his trusty pistol and aimed it at his student. “Anyways, you can award points as you like.”

Tsuna cautiously inquired, “Will each pair dance at a time, then? Or will everyone…”

Reborn only took a second to decide. “Everyone can dance at the same time. We’re running out of time before Maman serves dinner, after all.”

 _That’s your reasoning?_ Tsuna thought in disbelief.

“Take your positions!” Reborn called out to everyone, and Leon transformed into a music player that Reborn turned on. Dramatic classical music began to play in the background while everyone started to dance.

Tsuna watched Chrome and Lambo dance with the eyes of a doting older brother. Lambo would spin around before Chrome picked him up and twirled him a few more times. Frankly, they looked absolutely adorable. Lambo did look like he was getting dizzy already, though. Nonetheless, the two looked like they were having fun holding each other’s hands and spinning around in circles.

Tsuna turned to face Reborn and said, “I’m giving Chrome and Lambo twenty points,” without any hesitation at all.

Reborn shrugged, “I didn’t think the stupid cow was doing well, but I admit Chrome is. The points are totally up to you though, Tsuna.”

“By the way,” Tsuna began as he watched Gokudera start a quarrel with Yamamoto in the midst of the dance, “what _is_ the prize for this whole competition?” It seemed like Gokudera was trying to do a ballroom dance to suit the classical music, but Yamamoto took that as a cue to try and twirl Gokudera around by his arm.

“Fufufu,” Reborn snickered under his breath. “That’s for you to wait to find out with everyone else at the end.”

“EHHH?!” Tsuna whined before continuing. “Ah, Gokudera-kun and Yamamoto get ten points for, erm, effort.” He laughed sheepishly, watching as the pair continued their one-sided argument.

Reborn criticized, “I would’ve given them negative points.”

 _THAT’S HARSH!_ Tsuna internally exclaimed. He watched as Belphegor and Mammon danced together, faintly reminded of Chrome and Lambo who were dancing near the two Varia members. Honestly, it was more of Belphegor dancing while Mammon just sat on the self-proclaimed prince’s head.

“I think I’ll give them ten points too,” Tsuna commented.

Reborn snorted, “You’re way too soft.”

Tsuna had to bite back a retort about Reborn being too mean, because he didn’t want to be hit by a Leon-hammer or shot with Reborn’s gun.

“Are…What—” Tsuna furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “What are Xanxus and Squalo doing?”

Reborn reported, “Xanxus is just shooting a load of bullets at Squalo who either parries them or blocks them with his sword.”

“It almost looks like Squalo’s dancing!” Tsuna observed with clear awe and admiration in his eyes. “I think I’ll give them thirty-five points.”

Reborn whipped his head around to face Tsuna, absolutely stunned by his comment. Of all the things to admire… “Well, some say that fighting is a form of dancing.” Now, Tsuna’s attention was snatched away by the last pair.

“Shall we dance, Hibari Kyouya?” Mukuro smirked and gave his trident a fancy twirl. His question was met with no answer. Instead, Hibari lunged forwards at him, tonfas ready to land some blows.

Hibari ruthlessly snarled, “I’ll bite you to death.”

Tsuna watched the two fight with a dropped jaw, absorbing the sight of the graceful movements that Hibari made to attempt an offensive move and the ones that Mukuro implemented as he weaved between the strikes to dodge the hits. He was seeing these fights in a whole new light now.

Reborn snapped his fingers in front of Tsuna’s face, “Oi, Tsuna!” To think that his student would find beauty in something like this—he thought that Tsuna would always dislike fights, but seeing him react like this was definitely unexpected.

“S-Sorry, what?” Tsuna finally snapped out of his trance and looked down at his tutor. Reborn gave him a look that had him instantly remember what was going on. “Oh right! Uh well, I think that earned fifty points. Xanxus and Squalo looked amazing, but only Squalo was really moving around, and both Hibari-san and Mukuro were, s-so. I think that’s fair.”

Reborn grinned, “Alright then.” He whistled loudly to get everyone to stop dancing and bring their attention to him. “Tsuna finished judging all of your dances, so now I’ll have Ryohei and Lussuria read off the point totals.”

Ryohei was handed a sheet of paper that had the scores written for the Decimo Guardians, and Lussuria was given the Varia’s scores.

“Gokudera-Yamamoto pair: twenty-three points. Chrome-Lambo pair: thirty-eight points. Hibari-Mukuro pair: one hundred and nine points to the extreme!” Ryohei announced.

Lussuria read off his paper, “Bossu-Squ-chan pair: fifty-seven points. As expected! Bel-chan and Mammon pair: only twenty-five points. Honestly, you two.”

“In other words,” Reborn chirped, “The Hibari-Mukuro pair wins! The prize is…” He hopped onto Tsuna’s head with a small grunt. “Sawada Tsunayoshi!”

There was a devastated howl from Gokudera, and a surprised whistle from Yamamoto. Tsuna tried to ignore the pitying look that Chrome was using on him, and Lambo seemed to be sulking—not about not getting him as the prize, but about losing the competition. The Varia didn’t really have any reactions at all. Hibari and Mukuro, on the other hand…

“Kufufu. So does this mean I will be allowed to possess Sawada Tsunayoshi?” Mukuro leered.

“You are forbidden from contact with a citizen from Namimori. Instead, I’ll be taking this opportunity for an exciting fight,” Hibari wore a frightening and bloodthirsty grin.

“DON’T I GET A SAY IN THIS?!” Tsuna wailed out his sorrows as he sprinted away from the pair, rushing out of the house. The predators were on a chase.

“Ara?” Nana peeked out of the kitchen, “Where did Tsu-kun go? Dinner’s ready!” She was completely unfazed by the presence of foreigners in her home.

“Don’t worry about it, Maman.” Reborn smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> In the original old fic, 6918's compatibility rate wasn't announced but I made a slight edit. It was the only edit I made.
> 
> I consulted a friend and here's what they had to say:  
> The 1% accounts for what they have in common: Hibird.
> 
> how funny would it be that any pairing with mukuro was just 69% compatibility always  
> mukuro: wiggles eyebrows  
> tsuna: ugh. gross. (picks up phone)  
> gokudera: who are you calling  
> tsuna: vendicare prison
> 
> i feel like if the vindice weren't so terrifying u know that tsuna would call them  
> but also he cares too much and can't stand to see even mukuro get hurt by police brutality  
> imagine tsuna: hello 911 this is an emergency  
> vindice: we are not 911  
> tsuna: mukuro rokudo  
> vindice: /where/
> 
> i love mukuro rokudo to pieces, i would send his ass to prison  
> i always wondered why tsuna didnt call the mafia police more


End file.
